28 Mar The Process of Grieving

The process of grieving took me away from what happened last week. I was triggered by the healing that I was doing with a client. Suddenly, I was enveloped by darkness that I cannot seem to get out. It was deep and I allowed myself to be consumed by this. I was absorbing the depth of my sadness from losing my son Theo. It never occurred to me till now that I did not give enough time to stay in this pool of emotions.

I wanted to move on as fast as I can, because I was afraid that I will not be able to move forward with this sadness. I wanted to be strong for my other children. I was in defense mode. I went back to work in the nursing home after three months and every day I cried at work, unknowingly when staff starts asking me about what happened. Tears just start to roll down my cheeks. When patients are dying, I will get triggered. Then, I realized it is time to retire, I moved on with courage and listened to what my body is saying. I need my time and space to heal.

I did a lot of travelling and visiting my family and loved ones. I was able to teach in Quezon City, Philippines how to access their Akashic Records. It was successful and I was so happy to return home with the gifts of wisdom to share. I did a book tour with my new book Cosmic Soul which was published in May 2019.

2020 was the year of introspection, I managed to put together a two years of blog to which I wrote a lot of release, my attachments, illusions and confusion. The Collective Awakening was so fitting with Covid 19. It was directing me towards a new portal of healing. I received layers of healing that are contradictions within myself. I needed to rectify relationships that needed boundaries. I was able to focus on what my divine mission is.

Clarity, mastery and focus to write a book every year and to leave this legacy to my grandchildren, family and humanity. There was no turning back. I wanted to finish all unresolved issues of my incarnation. To create a full circle of my lessons and these are relationships that are stagnant, death of my son, being independently free of others demands of attention and I learned the power of boundary and self-respect.

I also learned to be easy on myself and to fully accept my being, magical and enchanting. I live in a different world beyond here, this is the gift of being a multi-dimensional. I am not confined and restricted by what is happening in this world. I see holograms and I always choose the light of it all. When there is darkness, enveloped it and absorbed the teachings.  Know and believe that there is light on the other side of the veil. This inner knowing kept me safe from any distractions that come my way. The death of my son is the freedom from all the sufferings from the earth. Theo is now free and light.

One day I realized after six months of Theo’s death. I told Theo, “I am ready to see you. Show yourself to me.” In one of our community events, there was a sound healer and I lied down in the massage table. Once he strike the crystal bowl, right away I had an out of body experience. I became a yellow ray of light, floating towards the sky. Suddenly, there was this huge blue aqua aura ray of light and its presence was Theo. He took me, we merged like these two rays of light dancing together in the heavens. It was an experience that I will never forget. It felt eternal. My tears were like river cascading in my face. I felt this light penetrating my lungs as I was congested during that time. I saw these bubbles like grapes exploding and opening releasing all the bacterial infection that was stuck in my pleural cavity. I opened my eyes and told the healer what I experienced.

That night I was still overwhelmed by this experience and wept. I took Theo’s jacket that I kept in the closet, smelt and kissed it. It brought me so much release from the past. Theo revealed to me his light body, I was expecting to see his face but he appeared to me as light. He made me realized that we are light beneath our earthly body. This is like a costume that we are wearing. The different costumes or roles that we partake. But in our ascension, we become this essence of pure light. What a beautiful profound message that I received that day. Theo is my messenger. He continues to communicate with me things that I needed to see. He brings me back to my core essence when I am confused.

I inhabit his great qualities as gifts from Theo. The authenticity, courage to speak the truth, loyalty, affectionate ways, love for research, philosopher, focus and mastery of what you want to manifest. Of course Theo had lots of shadows as well, the addictions and being hard on himself. These things are part of his challenges that made him a better person. He became more compassionate towards those who are suffering. I find that embodying Theo’s amazing qualities helped me to move on with love, knowing that he is with me wherever I go.

I will continue to live my life with this gift of my son’s eternal life. I consider this as a divine journey not a curse. It is a gift to merge with the soul of your son. You are divinely guided to thread this path of knowing that you are a powerful medium. Your life is a conduit to receive messages from eternal source. To speak for their voice that were cut off from being in their physical body. You are able to feel this ineffable essence. Life is a vessel of love. As we mourn our loved ones passing away, we remember how precious life is at this moment. The gift of eternal time is knowing that you are mortal. How are you spending your precious time?