17 Feb Hidden Identity

Having an identity crisis is a deep-rooted problem for others to anchor their sovereignty. I find that reclaiming your sovereignty brings you inner peace that all is well. We long for validation from others and when we do this unconsciously, we lose our sense of purpose. Our North Star is out of focus. Focusing within gives you balance especially in a chaotic world that we live in. Entanglements from others can misalign you to your core truth. Others can trigger your deep wounds and become a rift of your relationship. Intimacy can be shaken and if you allow this void, it can create a wall between your relations.

Being vulnerable takes a lot of courage, you need to be able to voice out what you need and what you want. When you grew up without validation, you lose your voice. Suppression can lead you to separation. How can you help yourself to open up to others? It is the work of inner shadow. Discovering your trigger points and reactions will help you lead to the underlying roots of your deep wounds. 

I got triggered by this when I gifted someone special on Valentines Day. I felt rejected when the person said no to my surprise gift. I was mad as hell. I have not been so mad as this. Then, I reflect and contemplated what this means to me? Where is this coming from? As I went through the days, I felt the drama within me. I have been living in the past with expectations that others will be receiving the same way as in my past relationships. I forgot that everyone is coming from a different background. I then realized that not everyone can receive gifts. It is not a common territory for them. They feel uncomfortable when they are given gifts. I was shocked. I thought people loved to receive. I am learning how to dance in this situation. I turned myself inward and try to understand the other person’s stance. I listened and I realized that this has nothing to do with my capacity to give but the ability of others to receive love. The rejection that I felt was my own insecurity about the validation that was not given. It added an insult to the injury. 

If I love myself enough, I will not take this personal. I will be able to respect others decision not to receive my love. I have never encountered a situation like this in my life. So, I became curious as how others can live in this dynamic. I started living in their shoes and found out the underlying issue of fear. This fear is about a feeling of being able to sustain itself and will not need other’s gifts to live. It is a survival mechanism that was built in and became a default when they receive offer of gifts. It is interesting how this creates pain and suffering within. Because it is egoic and bringing a barrier to be intimate with someone. 

I let go of the story and realized I am too precious to care about others who do not want to receive my love. There are a lot of people that would love my gifts. It just happens that this person was built this way, it does not mean that I can be triggered. I am in control of my emotions and mental thoughts. I am responsible for my own validation. I do not need to expect others to receive what I offer. This is about mastery of my own emotions and mental thoughts. 

I brought back myself into silence and find that inner voice within me. I feel empowered back again and know that this person is going through his own journey of discovery. I am at peace with my own self. I am loved. I have the power to create my story, with deep understanding, compassion and acceptance. I feel my vulnerability will open my own self to be a channel of grace. I believe we are walking here on mother earth as a vessel of light. If I can shine this light within me and feel harmless, I can be free of drama and attachments. I can fully understand others who are not the same with me. I will be able to respect where they are coming from and know that it is okay. I can love without expectations. I am love. 

“I forgive myself and others who hurt me consciously and unconsciously in all timelines, dimensions, space and realities. I let go of my hurt and ask the Masters of Light to infuse forgiveness, compassion, acceptance, unconditional love and inner peace in my core being. Please release any ill feelings that was imprinted in my heart and soul and allow the healing light to penetrate my essence. Thank you, thank you and thank you divine Master.”