26 Nov Allowing grief to flow

This week I am prepared to honor my grief, sounds weird but this is how I managed to help myself. Every birthday and death anniversary of  my son Theo, I take a week off to honor my grieving process.

I allow myself to just be. I cry, look at his pictures and be consume with our past. I create rituals at night, pray and feel his presence. I have no demands or work to do but this is my time with my griefs.

This morning I started to light a candle, incense in the air and wore the green scarf that he borrowed from me the week he passed away. This green scarf gives me his endearing love. He wore this around his neck for one week while he was studying. Theo and I were very close, we lived in the same house for 33 yrs until the day he was in coma. My other children used to tell me to cut our cords and let him out of the house. But there was a special bonding between Theo and I. It was so deeply embedded in our pain and sufferings together. We were both sexually molested as children. This is our story.

For one week I could not sleep after he passed away. I lied down at the couch where he used to sleep. I finally slept and had this message from the Akash. Theo’s blueprint of life, as a soul he incarnated to be my son to help me heal my inner child. His soul took the same karma of sexual abuse. I spent years of counselling with Theo, not knowing that it was actually for me to heal my inner child. He was with me to help me heal and become a healer. He was my true warrior.

This deep insight that was given to me, created an understanding of my soul as a mother and was able to see the bigger picture why he was with me. I could have never thought of this reason if I had not been practicing opening my Akashic Records. This spiritual tool helped me recognized patterns and able to put these puzzles in a bigger grand design of my life. I take the higher road, courage to face whatever darkness falls upon me.

Theo was my protector and now he is my spiritual warrior. He anchors me to earth to do my mission. He whispers in my ears when things are not right. He gives me signs of Horus, he loved ancient Egypt. He communicates with me in the most bizarre ways. He is funny.

We are eternal. We die in this physical body but continue to live in the spiritual dimension. I feel so liberated in knowing this. I feel so honored to experience this love. His death thought me to honor my sacred life. Every thought that passes in my conscious mind, I take time to examined them. If my thought is not contributing to my wellbeing and of others, I let go. I stop and release these harming thoughts. I believe we are here to share kindness and compassion to each other. Because we are all human beings experiencing the collective consciousness. Anything that happened to me can happen to you. So I wanted to share my deepest grief and how I am able to handle losing my son.

Sharing your pain is being vulnerable. This is the only way I know, to be true to myself and how others can lighten up their load of sorrows. In this lifetime, I realized I have to put attention to what is important in my life. I question myself if the things that I am doing is helping the collective. I see others suffering in finding their calling. They deny, escape and run away from their Light. They waste their precious time not to serve others. They become addicted to their own inner critic, what if? Being attach to your own self is an egoic way of living your life. Why? Because we are here to serve, we are transient, it is never about us it is about others. If we are selfishly consumed with our own self, we are lost. It is in the intimacy with our relationships with others that creates meaning with our soul. When we share our deepest pain and suffering, separation dissipates. We become a conduit of divine Light, because it is through darkness that we shine our pure Light.

That is why I share my painful moments with you. I do not hide. If we continue to hide, we remained in darkness. Sexual abuse is like a poisonous snake bite, it brings toxin in your body. The only way to heal sexual abuse is to vomit this poison. We need to wake up our collective and transcend this victim consciousness.

Darkness has no power, it is here to release you from being small. The divine Light that is within each of us is continually igniting our soul. This is the cosmic alignment to the universal energy. We are multi-dimensional beings. As a human being, a mother to Theo I still feel the pain and suffering of separation. I allow, I do not deny these emotions. It helped me become a true human being at one with the suffering of the collective. I do not take this experience personal, it is an experience that our collective is experiencing. I offer this to help others remember their true Light. We are here to shine and transform sorrow into joy. We dance with the ebb and flow of our lives. Be a Light for others. Thank you my spiritual warrior for bringing this wisdom and love into my being. I love you so much Theo! xo