25 Dec A chapter fr Sacred Sexuality book

The sacred is within you. We are separated from our own truth, that we are sacred. Whatever we do in this incarnated body, there is no separation from being sacred because we have come here to experience being human and spiritual without separation from the source or universe. In this blueprint that I have in this current lifetime, sexuality is a huge aspect of my existence. This is where my biggest karma link or bondage is.

To discover why I feel separated, guilty or ashamed of something that is so sacred is confusing for me. In writing this book, I will explore and share the deepest secrets in the dark night of my soul and incarnated body. To help others who are in the same boat. When we shine the light in the dark, the darkness dissipates and only truth can be felt deep within the broken heart.

As I discovered my sexuality, I asked myself why at the age of 57 I still have feelings of I don’t get what I want in relationships. Only to find out that this journey is all about knowing yourself. When I took all the aspects of me that is broken and allow the universe to show me what I could not comprehend. I listened and saw the signs of confirmations from the Source. I was able to put the pieces together and feel wholesome.

Yesterday, while I was walking in my favorite Crescent beach I was contemplating with my loss, my son Theo. In the midst of this conversation with Theo, I received a text message from my lover all the way from 2012. I knew he was my most cathartic sacred contract in this lifetime. I have tried to avoid him countless of times. Our story started since 2012. We had the most exhilarating sexual encounter in the New Year’s eve. We had made love in his boat the whole night.  We slept and he had to take me to work with 3 hrs of sleep.

After a while I was meeting him at his home and was away for few weeks of travel to LA and Mexico. We continued the conversations and when he picked me up from the airport. He stated to me that he needed space, I was stunned. At that time, I didn’t take it too hard and went on dating. I found a new man with deeper commitment and that meditates. I felt that this new relationship was my twin flame. Right at the get go, he was asking me about Akashic Records. He also took the courses that I taught and we were having a lot of past lives revisiting while we were together.

Twin flames are vibrations that you have come in this incarnation at the time where you both needed soul clarity of your purpose. You support each other spiritually and a lot of entanglements can occur with this relationships that you both needed to learn. Karmic bondage or patterns will be in your space and when you gain clarity your lives can either stay together or move on to another higher vibrations of your experiences.

There are a lot of explanations about twin flame and I am just sharing the one that I experienced with. I am not an expert of this fields and this is the story of my experience from twin flame. One of my core wound is that my father was alcoholic and sexually molested me. This boyfriend happened to belong to AA. So I spent a lot of times in their AA meetings when I was allowed to. I felt their meetings were very deep, sharing their vulnerabilities and brokenness. But there was one thing that I did not feel that resonated with me. When they start calling their names and stating that they are alcoholics. I felt this organization needed a face lift of energy healing, new language and vibrations. No offense to their core teachings I just felt this while I was around this gathering.

As I dated this man for three years, I was introduced to the Masters of Buddhism. Our past lives where interconnected with being a monk in the past. This is one of our core strength, to share light and healing to others. But as I was involved with him, I found some paradoxes with his spirituality. He will meditate in the midst of our conflicts so instead of approaching and talking about it, I will find him in a lotus sitting position in his meditation. Then, I will back out as I find that he needed a space and respect for his practice. It did not last long, we find each other’s differences were not spoken about or opened up. And when we decided to open up, it was too late. We have moved on in our own separated ways. There are a lot of triggers that I was feeling. I felt I was giving myself too much and not being able to receive from him. Looking back, there were signs that this is not going to work but I persevered and did not find the courage to move on while his mother was dying and then it was his best friend. I seem to find excuses for compassion about what he is dealing with and cannot find the guts to leave him. I moved in with him in 2017 and that was the downfall of our relationships. After few days his two teenagers moved in with us. I was not prepared for this role. As I was done parenting and was free from this responsibility. I found myself stuck in a chaotic home. Then one day I found him sitting in the couch with his ex-boss discussing their new found mindfulness business. I felt something was off. I felt they were intimate. I went home and received a message from him. My finger literally hanged up from the conversation without saying a word. I had enough. I wrote him a letter and saying that I needed a space. During that separation, I was able to start all over again. Moved in with my son Theo, got my nursing job full time and moved back to New Westminster. Needless did I know that this will be my last few months with my son as he passed away on Nov 24, 2017. I am writing a book about my experience as a mother who lost her son. This is another major aspect of my Akashic Records and will share this with you.

In Nov 15^th 2017 I received a text from my three lovers, asking for a date. I made a date with someone from 2012. We had another great sexual evening. During that week, I lost my son. When he asked me out again, I said, “ I don’t think I can be with someone right now my son just died. He was in shock and he said to me, “you needed a companion now.” I never told anyone about us, I kept it as a secret. After few months of seeing him, I said “I love you, accidentally.” It scared me as I know that this guy did not want relationship. Then I broke off with him approximately 13 times for three years.

Today on Christmas day, as I am writing this chapter, I had an awakening. What was the lesson? What is not congruent? Why am I broken? All these things woke me up to feel sacred, that everything that I do is sacred because I am love. I am telling you the story of how I found love for myself, how I allow to enjoy the pleasures of being sexual without shame and guilt. How I was able to be direct, open and ask for what I want. How I am mastering in knowing myself’s worth and be authentic to me not to others. I am not playing a victim nor passively taking life as it comes. I am handling life as the universe gives me these blessings and gifts of experiences and how I see the world. I am sharing my true core of being so when I leave this world I can say to myself. I have done well. This is why I write. I write because I am guided to see things differently and put them together like a beautiful gift to the universe so others can see their life as this interwoven threads of sacred contracts with all the people that were given to them in their existence.

How we can honor each other? As we see the bigger picture of each one of us dancing this so called life in mother earth. How we as multi-dimensional beings can function in our highest version? Forgive others who had harmed us, be compassionate with those who are suffering, let go of any judgement about others way of living, to truly enjoy life’s gifts of moments, to be wholesome and happy about our decisions, to reclaim our birth right, to be a creative artist that co-create a beautiful world with the Source of all that is.

You are all of this, we are ONE. If we can feel this oneness within us, then we gain inner peace. We can give others what we have and it is time to share this wisdom. To be who you are is about accepting everything about yourself.

When we incarnate with our karma, these are the shadows that we have within our blueprints. They can be your default like fear, insecurities, judgements, shame, guilt, greed, gossip, lust, covet, unable to express our truth, pride, sloth, ill intentions about others, jealousy, envy and all the lower vibrations that our human DNA inherited from the past. We have come here as enlightened ancestors of the future. In this timeline we have this trajectory that we co-create with the universe. It is time to master our destiny. Where do you see yourself next year, in 5 yrs or in 10 yrs?

We can only see and preplan but our expiration is unknown. That is why we co-create with the Source, this incarnated body has an expiration. We need to face this reality. Everything that we do has a cause and effect. Every intention, thoughts, words, emotions and actions had their own unique frequencies and vibrations that will bring this fruition into our third dimensional reality. The more fined tune we are within our frequency to our authentic truth, we receive more clarity.

Today, I pay attention to my sexuality. What are the blockages that prohibit me from enjoying fully my body and express my erotic goddess energy? How I was able to feel wholesome and sacred in this act of our strongest primal inherited energy? We are born sexual but it became a taboo. We are here as sacred vessel of our contract with our incarnated body, the divine and our sexuality. There is no separation. The power of the kundalini energy that resides in our CNS and spine is the strongest connection to meet the divine. Through the sexual acts we can reach this heightened climax of our souls. We can use the sexual energy as a conduit to meet the divine. There is nothing compared to this tantric energy. It is electric. It surpassed being human. It connects you to that vortex of electrical energy that melts down all your senses into one. It is euphoric and tantric. How can this sacred energy be tainted? It was because we don’t understand how magnificent we are. We don’t love ourselves. This book is the journey to self-love and how we can transcend the taboos about sexuality.

What are the steps that we can take to find acceptance with our self?

1. Create a sacred space. Journal with your open Akashic Records. Invoke your spiritual guides and higher self.
2. Write down all your patterns, histories, inhibitions, fear, insecurities, and unconscious beliefs about sexuality.
3. Write down the people in your sexual life. Who do you have the strongest attraction or resistance that you experienced with?
4. See in your past, who this person resembled? What are their characters, archetypes and lessons that you are learning?
5. Allow to accept yourself as a sexual being and sacred. Feel this acceptance, allowing you to embrace yourself. This mantra helped me, “I am allowing myself to feel pleasure and enjoy my sexuality. I thank the universe for gifting me this birth right. I love my sexuality and I am sacred.”
6. What you resist persist. Name the person and ask yourself these questions. What is it that I don’t see? Why am I resisting this contract? Am I controlling the situation? What am I escaping from? What is this person giving me? What is the soul contract? What will serve our highest good?
7. Don’t run away. Stop the judgement. Be yourself. Tell what bothers you. Do not keep things to yourself. Be true to yourself.

These are some steps that I had taken to get me where I am right now. I found self- acceptance and self-love. We can attain this when we know study our self. What is written in our blueprints? How can we attain the highest good and potential of our Akashic Records? We can when we are open, surrendered our life to the Source, become conscious of what we think of, how we emote and react, to be more compassionate with our own self and share the gifts that we have to the universe. It is easy to say these words but the action is truly what makes the difference. We can only shift when we move with courage and face our own fear. Be courageous, be truthful to yourself. And be happy. Life is mysterious, when we open to receive these gifts we are showered by Divine love, blessings and grace. Namaste!

Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@mohammadgh