29 Jul Inner Child and Femme Fatale Archetype

This week my cat Buddha is actively dying and I went deep into the rabbit hole. I was triggered in the midst of the grieving process. I had strokes of flashback from when my son Theo passed away almost 4 yrs ago. I did not realize that I felt numb about unplugging his life support system.

I can vividly remember I was out of my body, my spirit was not anchored within me. I was restless and shocked. It felt like I was in the ceiling looking over the scenario. It was surreal. We had to unplug Theo because we chose to do organ donation. It was time sensitive. The Doctor stated that he was not going to live longer that two days. In that conference room, my head was touching the table. I cannot sit straight. The table was holding my brain. I did not want to hear the words that were being spoken.

My son, my beloved son is losing his life. It was too painful to sit up erect. I opt to put my head in the table to comfort and ground me. Tiffany my daughter held all the responsibilities during this tumultuous times. She was our strength to process all necessary decisions and procedures. She has a strong head in her shoulders. My son Tristan, the most loving kind soul stood beside us, his beloved fiancée Vanessa and was speechless. I know he was hurting. My son Matt from Los Angeles, was in wrath over the phone when I announced to him the coma of his brother Theo. He was devastated, having Lucy our first granddaughter just only a month old, Matt was not able to fly as he was helping his wife Stacey. We were in shock, broken and tormented the fact that our beloved Theo had this accident. He was too bright and sweet to leave our family. We were all in limbo.

As my cat Buddha’s passing, I told my daughter, “I don’t want any intervention, I want to spend rituals with Buddha. Then, it dawned on me that this sacred time is like reliving my time in ICU with Theo. I resented that I was only given two days to stay beside him. This brought up emotions that were deeply hidden in the corners of my heart. I am not in my body. I have a tendency to disassociate when I feel traumatic events. Death triggers me.

Tonight I had a revelation, I was able to put the dots together. Back when I was two I had a near death experience and saw my Mama carrying my body beside the oxygen tent in the hospital of Saint Lazaro. It was surreal. During this timeline, I was also experiencing molestation from my babysitters. Sex and death at the same timeline. When I left this world I had this imprinted in me, my karmic bondage. When I came back into my body, this archetypal template had an agreement with me that it will manifest in this incarnation.

Archetypes are neutral energies, they contain the light and shadow aspect of our psyche and soul’s journeys. The Femme Fatale was born out of anger from the molestation that my inner child archetype had experienced. The Femme Fatale was the strong force of sexual seduction, power, control and manipulation that are happening in order to defend the Inner Child. It’s role is to reclaim the sexuality and power that was taken away during sexual molestation.

She comes out during the times of grieving, like the death of the Inner Child when I was dying of Diphtheria. Out of the dark night of the soul of this infant, the Femme Fatale was born to pay revenge, seduction and control with the men that comes across this Feme Fatale archetype. I was lost in her power. It was like a possession. Things that I will normally not do like showing my tits in public social media platform happened. I was out of my mind.

While it was happening, I felt so powerful. I felt free to express my sexuality, like a lioness. It was so strong, I was enjoying the seduction and naked men around me in the nude beach who were telling me their stories. I was like this sex goddess, no shame over my nude body. Allowing the lust of this men, in control of my sex and not allowing them to have me. I was in powerful stance, I was free.

It went deeper to the obsession and possession of exposure. As I was exposing my bare naked body to the public, I felt powerful. It helped me go through the grieving process. I felt in power of this sexual energy. I found myself masterbating every night to put me to sleep. My vagina was juicy. It was aroused by the men in the nude beach. I was alive, vibrating and juicy. It brought me life in my body. But my spirit was out of my body.

Yesterday I felt my son Theo woke me up and downloaded me with this knowledge. I was out of the sexual obsession theme. I then put together the pieces where my cellular memories from the infant that was molested to this powerful force of Femme Fatale. This archetype is super strong that women who are experiencing this can get lost in the shadow aspects. The deeper meaning of this is to claim your power back as goddess.

You are never broken, whatever sexual molestation that you experienced is a door to open to reclaim your power back. We are here to experience that sexuality is not about shame and guilt that our traditional religions had brought to us. Sexuality is a force of creation. It lives within us, our hormones direct us to co-create this with our creations. How can we deny this force when God intended this to be a part of our systems? We have this, it is sacred. It is a fire that brings electricity to fuel our creativity and continue our generations as human beings.

We are clouded with a lot of control, conditions and situations that we wanted to escape. We used sex as a medicine for our pain. For example, people staying in a marriage without sexual attraction or even intimacy with each other. They stay and deny their sexuality because they cannot move out of their marriage. They have a lot of excuses, the opinions of others or losing their security. It is insane to live your short life this way. People get stuck in their head, paralyzed with fear and not being able to express their truth, what hurts them and how they can face the fact that their marriage is not intimate.

I have watched this with my clients and people around me. We are lost in space. We are not in our body. We do not take claim of our sexuality. We compartmentalize our needs. We think we can just hide or deny that our sexuality is not important. We forget that this is a channel to intimacy. It is a sacred path or dance of two souls intertwining in their climactic orgasmic connection to the cosmos. We are vibrations. This sexual vibrations brings enigma, magnetic and grounds us back fully into our body. The body feels and our cellular memories of interconnectivity to the other person is beyond this dimension. We are beyond space and time. The sexual interconnection ignites the fire within to remember that we are powerful electro-magnetic souls.

When sexual energy is interchanged in a sacred ritual monogamous act it becomes special and clean. Why? Because we are not mixing a lot of DNA from too many people when you are making love. You can easily get into the loop of addiction. Like a drug that makes you high you lose your foothold into this domain. You become ungrounded, lost in satiable lust and cravings of the ego. The soul becomes contaminated with these layers of skins like the reptilian. They crawl and have the strongest electro magnetic force.

Our sexuality is the portal of our kundalini. The divine thread of the cosmic force and our planetary body. How can we handle the purity of this act of love when we involve ourselves with too many people? We lose the essence of purity. But we live with different choices on sexuality, whatever your choice is choose to make it simple for you. To know that whatever choices you make will have a consequences. You choose your lifestyle, it is your life and your body. The body will show you the way.

When you are involve in this numerous sexual activity, know that you are able to create a sacred space for yourself. To experience and free yourself from shame and guilt. To be wholesome is an act of unconditionally loving yourself no matter what circumstance you find yourself involve in. In the midst of your actions, your intentions matter. Why we do things? Where do our actions lead to? Know the results of your actions.

If you have this trajectory to direct you and know what is right for you. It will create peace in your mind. This is important, when you don’t have peace. You are lost no matter where you are. Your conscience is your director. Listen, allow yourself to embrace the moment, embrace you. Be still, know that God is also in the dark. It is in this dark night of the soul that you are closest to God. It is fear that leads you to light. You are never abandoned. You are always loved. You are love. You do not need to show the world who you are, you are the world. You are the universe. You are the creator and creations. You are one and multi-dimensional. You are the inner child and the femme fatale. You are one.