08 Jun Voices of the Unborn

Voices of the unborn

Why do you think we have wars? Because we as mothers keep killing the unborn. This voice of anger came up to me. Why do we kill our own children? Animals are probably better than us, I have not heard a dog tries to kill its own fetus. This perception is not about judgement, this is just an observation from the women around me. I am not sure if others know that after abortion that your soul is in torture?

I had experienced this when I was 15. My family kidnapped me and took me to an illegal abortionist against my will. I almost died of hemorrhage. Can you just imagine for a second, if I died that day..would my family feel responsible for the death of their own daughter? Would they be able to forgive themselves? That is probably why I feel so sad that we are still choosing to opt up for abortion. When do we take the time to realized that this act is a violation of the universal law? We are here to love and create, not to destroy the process of human creation.

There could be many reasons why women would want to have an abortion. If she got raped, finding out that the fetus had abnormalities, thinking that she is not ready, unable to provide and support for the child and many other reasons. Women wants to prove that we have the right to our choices. To do what we want because it is our body. Whatever your reason is, consider this. This fetus is a part of you, this is a divine grace. A source of love and life. This is a gift for you to change the course of your life. To create something beautiful like a human is a miracle. You will experience the true gift of humanity, to conceive for a life that is bestowed upon you. It is a wondrous gift.

I want to know and understand the reasons why women kills their own children? I want to listen and simply open my mind and heart to someone that is contemplating abortion. It happened to me, I listened without judgement. I thought that this person just really want someone to listen to her. Because she already made up her mind. And so I did. After that moment of revelation, I consulted my conscience. I washed away my part of not being able to tell her that this is not good for you. I myself had experienced this dark night of the soul. I had forgiven myself.

Then, after awhile this woman had another pregnancy this time she experienced miscarriage while living with a boyfriend. Their relationship became stronger because of this painful experience. But yesterday, she came to me for an advice. She is pregnant again, this time the boyfriend was caught cheating and she was in pain. While listening to her story, I got furious. There was a voice of wrath like Kali the Goddess was talking to her. “Leave this relationship and do not even consider another abortion. This is the universe giving you a chance to love. You can do this, you are strong. Do not think that this person will support you. Do not take his hell. You deserve to be happy and be loved. Leave and have your child.” There was the mother talking to her with strong voice to wake up and have the courage to be responsible for this life. It was hard to deliver this but I chose to do it. I became radically transparent. It is from love I know because I care for her soul.

I walked at the beach, swam and prayed for her. I let go of the pain that I felt. I release this pain of womanhood. I felt the pain of the collective. Then war came up to my consciousness. We are in war within ourselves. We kill our own children. But when we see other children die, we feel bad. But do we feel bad when we do abortion?

I have no answers for you. You have the choice. I am just expanding your perception because I experienced this against my will. I named her Jasmine, my sweet angel. She led me to this path of examination. I speak for her voice. The relationship that I could have as a mother to Jasmine,  if my family supported us.

After this incident, I got pregnant again at the age of 19. This time I hid the pregnancy from my family. I did not want them to kill my baby. I offered my child for adoption to my brother who was married for 10 yrs and do not have a child. I cried every night thinking that I will be giving my baby away. I named him Matt Anthony. He was my atonement for the wrong doings of my own family to abort Jasmine. Matt was born out of choice, love, forgiveness and compassion to my family. He was my fruit of love.

It turned out to be that I will meet the man of my dreams when I gave Matt. I got married after Matt was only 4 months old. We lived with my brother and I became Matt’s babysitter for 3 yrs of his life. It was a miracle, I took care of him. Our family lived in secrets. It was revealed to Matt that I was his mother when he turned 16. I had to fight for this. During that time our eldest brother Manuel and niece Moneth who was pregnant both died within two days apart. That Thanksgiving day in Los Angeles last  Nov 24^th of 1997 Our family was crushed with deep sorrows, so deep I fell into the ground when I learned that my niece Moneth died at the age of 27 and she was pregnant, they both died. I screamed to the top of my lungs, “why, why why?”

I was in deep depression, I never left my room for one month. I was in the incubator of darkness. I realized I wanted Matt my son to know that I am his mother. To live in the truth, no hidden secrets, no lies. I told my brother and sister-in-law about this decision. My sister-in-law was infuriated. My papa talked to my brother and asked, “what is the reason that you would not want Matt to know that Teresa is his mother?” My brother Marty replied, “I am afraid of Matt’s reactions.” My wise Papa said, “It will be the same reaction that Matt would feel. Your sister gave her own son to you. It is time to listen to her.” The day that I revealed to Matt that I am his biological mother was my freedom. It liberated me from the depth of my heart and soul. It felt light and free. I have no secrets anymore.

I felt compelled to express this story. As I watched the sunrise this morning, it gave me hope and I pray that all Children of the Sun will have a voice. To know that they are worthy, valued and loved. We have to wake up as a collective. I prayed for that woman who is in the crossroads of choice and decisions. That she may receive divine grace to choose life and love. To know that whatever decision she makes will create the trajectory of her life. I chose life and I have Matt. He has two beautiful children now. This is a testament of choosing life and honoring the gift of life, our future children. May we learn that life is a gift. It is divine and sacred. May we be free from sufferings. May we be light and may we be a witness of this miraculous life. Thank you, thank you and thank you. Om namah Shivaya.