24 Oct Silence in your passing

Today I rested my body. I feel like floating in the air. I allowed myself and gave myself permission to be free from doing. My dirty laundry is stacked waiting for my action. But I rather stay in bed, cuddling with my cat Gaia and feel the comforting blankets around me. This is being with my griefs with your transition into the spiritual world.

My brother Maurice passing let me pause and see life for what it is. My memories are flooded with our childhood. I remembered those times that we played, and you instilled in me this vision of the pyramid, with open capstone. We were watching the stars as we laid down our bodies in the ground. I was around 8 yrs old and you were 10, you said to me, “we are inside the pyramid, the top was open, and we are looking at the bright stars shining upon us.” It felt surreal, expansive and mystical. This was imprinted in my memory bank. As I looked back, I realized you were channeling our past lives together. I didn’t know then, but now I knew you are a star that is now looking at me and my life. I am closer to you now in spirit. 

When we were growing up, we were only two years apart coming from 10 siblings. I followed you wherever you go. I felt like your secretary, watching you win games with cards, and I would put them neatly tucked inside a shoe box. We were a team. We will run after each other and join our group of friends. We were free as birds, walking in the street in our small town of Paranaque, Manila; playing, laughing and happily living our childhood moments. 

Then suddenly tragedy struct you, while playing in the street, I watched you got hit by a taxi. Your body went under the car and caused you to have a fractured foot. I was also traumatized. But during those times in the 60’s mental therapy was not around. We just dealt with it as we were growing up. I was entertaining you with my songs and dances. I was so touched by your accident that I wanted to alleviate your suffering. I gave you my 7 small piggy banks with money to compensate for your pain. I felt your pain. 

As we were growing along, our teens were not the happiest moments. You were beaten up by police and was not able to defend yourself. You felt victimized and did not have the voice to speak up. You were not into school and always stayed away from studies. You felt low and somehow got yourself into drugs. This was your coping mechanism with your emotional upheaval, but you were always kind and simple. Smiling and happy to be around our huge family. 

When we migrated to LA we were young teens. Your addiction was worst, and it damaged your ways of thinking. You became homeless and then our parents took care of you till you were in your 40’s. When they passed over, you were taken to a group home. You stayed there till you passed. As I look at your life and asked the Lords of the Akashic Records, “what is Maurice role in our family?” I was shocked to learn the answer, “you were born into our family to teach us unconditional love, no judgement and compassion to those who are suffering.” Wow! That is huge lessons for us all. You became our teacher. Quite paradoxical, someone looking outside would find that your life was painful. But you literally sacrificed this life for us to learn the most important virtues of being a human. To be humble, kind and caring for other sufferings. It is big! As I write your story, I am humbled and grateful for your soul to teach me these loving and kind ways. I learned to be at one with the suffering of others because of you Maurice, thank you so much my beloved angel.