26 Jul We are missing the sacred

These last few days my cat Buddha is dying and I am dying inside. I found myself going to the beach and nude. I radically changed the way I see things. I exposed my body in the public social media. I became transparent to my sexuality. I was not afraid of who I am, I am a very sensual and sexual person. I hide this from the public because I feel that I am going to be judged if I present to be a spiritual teacher and sexual. WTF!

There are a lot of confusion between me. I learn to separate these aspects of my being just because I want others to know that I am a good girl. My two daughters confirmed to me that I should live the way I want to live. “Be a nudist Ma!” I had permission from my beloved daughters and I was so happy and free. This is the only important opinion of others that I take seriously coming from my loved ones. I truly don’t care about others anymore. I know who means well and who are pretending to mean well.

Where did this separation of my sexuality come from? Of course it is from my childhood, I was shamed by my own mother, father, brothers and sisters. Nobody believed me when I told them I was molested by my Papa. It was a sad story. But today I empowered myself by baring naked my soul and body to you. You whoever is reading this painful exposure, because I care. I care for our children who will experience this dark night of the soul.

I want to open your eyes to what is the truth. The truth is we are all blind. Blind to what we do not see. We do not know what is the truth. We are all living in pain. We cannot accept that we judge others for who they are. We are jealous of others beauty. We talk about others, we gossip. We are hypocrites. We lie and cheat to our loved ones because we cannot handle the truth. We stay in marriage but swing in order to spice up our sexuality. We cannot leave our relationship that is dysfunctional because we want to keep our wealth. We are broken. We cannot see what is integrity. Integrity for me is being truthful with yourself.

While I was in the beach standing naked close to strangers, men approached me. I am sure they have their own agenda in their head but it did not bother me. I open myself and listen. Listening to their broken dreams, stories of denial and sexual innuendos. I realized I was a sex therapist. I was also sharing my inner self. When you are naked, you seem to expose your stuff without editing your life story. This is what happened in the beach. It was a lot of being vulnerability, honesty and openness. I liked it. I find people who are nudist are comfortable in their own skin so to speak. I became comfortable in my own skin. I release judgement about image and body shape. I became familiar with humans. I release my blockages of what others would think of me. I became radically transparent.

As a writer when people speak, I knew what was happening about their life stories. I became intrigued how others live their lives and how I can help others become a realist. This is the word that my lover gave me. He is a realist. He does not want attachment to anyone. He does not want to be in a relationship because it leads to drama. He wants to be open to others but remain monogamous to me. He said, “you can date others and if you find one that you want you can just tell me.” He gave me this freedom to explore.

I was breaking up with him like 13 times or more and then I stopped. I finally realized this realist is my man. I do not need a relationship label, he was the one who keeps coming back, who is there when my son died, who wakes me up to what true freedom meant. I told him that I am a nudist now and exposing my body in the public, he said to me, “are you nuts? I guess I created a monster! He he! ”

Freedom to choose what you want in life. This is the secret to living a life that is juicy, passionate and free. Others would judge anyway so why do you even care about their opinions? You live you. You live without harming others. Live in joy. I am celebrating the life of Buddha with freedom from my body shame. I am releasing what others had imprinted in my body. This body is mine. It is my sacred ground. I love every part of this system. I talk to my body parts. I massage my own skin. I tell my body parts, you are so beautiful to me. I love you and I am honored to be in this body suit.

I learned to be healthier, I care about the food that I ingest. I am a vegetarian. I let go of consuming animals because I love my animals. Just the thought of eating their legs or body part makes me cringed. It feels that I am eating my own flesh. Yikes! I am not telling you what to eat. Because I believe in freedom. I am only telling you how I feel about animals. We will preserve mother earth’s children if we stopped eating them. Animals are special to me. Think of this thought sometime and try not eating meat for one week and see how it feels. I am sure something in you will change. It will shift your consciousness into being more kind, compassionate and generous to the world and others. It helped me.

Today I will explore more on my mermaid self. I am in the beach almost daily. I loved Yemaya the goddess of creations. I swim and play with the seaweeds. I write and listen to others stories. I am in love with my body and how I feel so sacred. I am monogamous and sexual being. I love my man.

I have no body shame. I have no guilt. I am in sacred ground, my body is holy and beautiful. Thank you universe for leading me to this path of illumination. Thank you for this blessing of freedom, exploration and beauty. I am divinely guided to my path and I am loved. Namaste!