04 Mar Speaking about adoption

These are my insights and recollections about giving my own son to my brother. My intention in writing this is to heal the wounds of abandonment, rejection, resentment, not good enough, longing for validation, separation, fear of intimacy, chaotic relationship, conflicts with others, unable to trust and many other emotions that are kept hidden deep within the heart and soul of those who were given up for adoption. The pain of this suffering can be a venom that keeps recreating this karmic pattern with generations to come in the family dynamics. If this is not healed and cleared within our collective blueprints or Akashic Records, we will passed this to our next generations through the DNA and RNA, emotional body, mental thoughts and spiritual body of members of our family.

I was called to write this by the Ascended Masters and Gatekeepers to assist the children of adoption and for my own son Matt who I gave up for adoption to my brother Marty when I was 19. I needed to clear this blockage in my own blueprint to help my own children and generations to come to release this pain in our ancestry. To help others who are going through this dark night of the soul.

I wanted to share openly the questions that I asked myself and the Lords of the Akashic Records to understand this sacred contract with the family members and how I can help others in their own soul journeys. These are some questions that I want to explore and find some clarity, wisdom and understanding to assist me in bridging this hidden barriers that happened when you put your child for adoption.

Why did I sign up for this contract? What were the underlying story behind this action? How can I speak openly of my own suffering as a mother? What is the condition of my life when I agreed for adoption? How can I totally forgive myself and let go of any pain or guilt for not being the mother of my own child? What are the shadows that stopped me from being his mother? These are some underlying questions that for now I will shine light upon.

I asked the Divine Mother to help me in opening my heart and soul to this healing. To help us bridge the missing link and intimacy that was broken from separation that I created. To be forgiven for the responsibility that I forgone. To be able to communicate from the depth of my heart and share how I feel. To honor the life of my child and respect any boundaries that he asked for. To continually be a vehicle of healing Light that eternally loved his existence. To let him know that I never stopped loving him, that I gave him up thinking of a better future. Not knowing that only love is the most powerful gift you can give a child. The providence, security and home will always be provided by the Divine Grace. This I learned when I had my other children growing up with me. I gave them all that I got. And now here I am contemplating to write these messages because it was brought into my attention that this is an important part of my life.

I felt the pain of my own son. The walls that adopted children created was meant to keep them safe. They do not want to feel the pain of separation and unconsciously they created a wall around their hearts not to face their biological parents. To create distance from the void that they feel. They have walls as defense mechanism to escape the truth. It is evasive. It is a lot easier not to face it. Not to feel the pain of adoption. Addictions can sometimes serve as a medicine to cope with the depth of their pain. Attracting chaos, conflicts or drama from their loved ones. They also have anger towards their mother because unconsciously they give the pain to those they know who would be there for them. It is discordant energies that are magnetizing to their situations because there is this unresolved dilemma from their existence.

Where do you start healing these wounds? It starts when you recognize that you have pain. Acknowledging that you have resentments towards your parents. How irresponsible they were? How inhumane to give up something that should be loved? You feel unloved. It is dark. And any excuses to stay away from your biological parents is the best coping mechanism you have. It is unconscious but sooner or later you want to heal this. You don’t want your own children to suffer the same isolation or pain. You want to stop the karma of not fully loving your existence.

The truth is that you are always loved. Your validation can not come from your parents or others. You are loved because you are a child of God/Source/Creator of your soul. You came with this sacred contract. It is hard to imagine, “why did I sign up for this?” But you did and it serves a purpose. This is your Divine mission to feel at home to mother earth. First, to yourself to learn the lesson of self-love. Then, you can totally forgive, surrender and trust God your life. To live every moment.. breathing only love not fear. No escapism, no denial but freedom to live your truth. Your true essence, true identity as a child of the universe. Om